Entitled aunt expects 30-year-old oldest child to be her cold-hearted grandmother's caregiver, despite enduring grandma's mistreatment as her ‘helper’ years earlier

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Mar 17, 2025 6:00 AM EDT

The oldest child in every family on the planet assumes responsibility for things they should never have to do at such a young age. The oldest child is always expected to "know better" and be more mature than they act at any given time, even if they're still a child themselves. Not to mom, dad, or the grandparents, though. If there's a younger child, you're automatically an adult to them. Just ask any oldest child. The expectation of growing up so quickly is one that causes major whiplash and, in some cases, arrested development. You'd be surprised by what so many children had to deal with just because they were the oldest. There is no forgiveness or empathy given to them by the family who subjected them to it, either. The woman in this story is told by her aunt, even after years of being her ill-mannered grandmother's "helper," that she now has to care for her indefinitely. This woman refuses to be trapped by her entitled aunt, who assumed care for her along with her grandparents after her mother passed when she was just a girl. Scroll to read.

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  • The woman explains that she had a rough upbringing because of her mother's passing, paired with her grandparents' mistreatment. Her younger sibling never had to deal with such treatment, and it shows. Even when the woman “escaped” the household she grew up in with her grandparents, she is called back some eight years later to resume her “helping” role. No thanks.

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  • "AITA for refusing to uproot my life and move home to care for my grandmother?"

    My grandparents played a huge role in raising my brother and I, as well as my aunt's two kids. Between her kids, me, and my brother, my grandparents' house was a revolving door of children being dropped off while our parents worked full-time.
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  • As the oldest, I was expected to take on the most responsibility and became my grandmother's "helper." My grandparents were verbally and emotionally a sive with no boundaries. I spent
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  • significant time in their home, constantly being ordered around and reminded how much I owed them. They lived in the house directly behind my dad's, so
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  • there was no escaping it. If they needed something, they called. If they wanted something done, I was expected to do it.
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  • At 22, I was exhausted and moved away. I've lived away from home for 8 years now and recently, I have been hearing about my grandparents' declining health. I was told my
    via Easy_Individual9019
  • grandmother has dementia and my grandfather has limited time, but when I speak with them, they seem lucid. I've attempted to clarify their condition with my dad and brother, but I've been met with vague, passive aggressive answers.
    via Easy_Individual9019
  • I was recently la d off and called my aunt, who has a strong professional network, to see if she knew of any job openings. Her reply was harsh- "I've got too much f ng stuff going on here
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  • to worry about you." I didn't ask her to worry about me- I asked if she knew anyone hiring. She then revealed the likely true reason she answered my call... My grandfather is in assisted living,
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  • and she, my brother, and cousins are juggling woek and "caregiving" shifts for my grandmother, who apparently can't be left alone in the home anymore. This was news to me.
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  • She praised my brother and her daughter, comparing me negatively to them as always, then demanded I move home and become my grandmother's full time caregiver because I'm
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  • currently unemployed. She said I had to "give some to get some." When I politely declined, she blamed my refusal on my mother "not raising me right," despite my grandparents essentially raising us all.
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • My mother left when I was six, and my grandparents undermined both she and my dad completely. They controlled everything about my upbringing, so I was essentially raised by the same people who raised my aunt.
    via Easy_Individual9019
  • Now, I feel like my aunt is trying the same manipulation with me. When I pointed out that I have no medical training and suggested they hire a nurse, she dismissed it, claiming that due to "short staffing," hiring a nurse wasn't an option.
    via Easy_Individual9019
  • I know exactly what will happen if I agree- I'll be trapped indefinitely, sacrificing my life while everyone else continues normally. It's a black hole I refuse to enter.
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  • So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to drop everything, move home, and become my grandmother's unpaid caregiver?
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  • meancrochethook NTA if your grandmother can't be left alone perhaps she should go into assisted living as well. Old age care is not easy and definitely should not be forced on anyone. You need to find your own way through life, don't give in to the guilt tripping
    via meancrochethook
  • tinkerbell_2369 If your aunt is so concerned about your grandmother maybe suggest that she go live with her and tell her to leave you alone
    via tinkerbell_2369
  • wlfwrtr NTA Tell aunt that until you moved away you were responsible to help with caring for grandparents so you did your time being their caregiver. It's time the rest stepped up.
    via wlfwrtr

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family drama aita drama AITAH grandma reddit story family feud parenting entitled people karma entitled Grandpa family reddit thread Reddit Parenting Fail entitled people
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